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What Are You *Really* Communicating During S*X?

Published by on October 23rd, 2020.


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What Are You *Really* Communicating During S*X?

To get a better sense of the meaning s*x has in your relationship, you have to expand your lens of curiosity wider than the s*x act itself.

When you and your partner have s*x, what are you communicating to each other?

Imagine, for instance, that you could see a video of a couple named Mike and Jane. Jane pushes Mike back to get some space between kisses. You might wonder what this means. Maybe she’s still trying to get to know him better or feel more connected. Maybe there’s been a history of mistrust in Jane’s previous relationships, and taking space gives her more of a sense of safety and control. Or it could be that she’s so excited that she feels out of breath and simply wants to feel more oxygen in her lungs before the next kiss.

To find out what’s really happening, we have to be willing to talk about it. To get a better sense of the meaning s*x has in your relationship, you have to expand your lens of curiosity wider than the s*x act itself and include the whole intimacy dance that happens between you.

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Here are a few possible questions:

Our filters impact our perceptions

There is no one meaning for any particular behavior. Going back to our couple, Mike may interpret Jane’s behavior through his own filters if he is experiencing different feelings or needs in that moment. He might be feeling good and enjoy the space between kisses because it gives him a chance to reconnect with her beautiful eyes, or he might interpret it as a rejection or another case of not getting his own needs met.

If Mike and Jane do not create enough spaciousness and curiosity in these moments,

, impatient, and demanding, or he may try to pull her closer.

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